Wednesday, April 5, 2017

"Why Bannon Had To Go."


                               

In a sane universe, there are a hundred reasons for why Steve Bannon ought to go. And by "go" I mean, from the planet Earth. I mean: why he should be shuffled off the edge of the universe into a wormhole and / or the fiery bowels of an inner Gehenna.

But this not being a sane universe, mad my masters, the reason Steve was escorted from the Oval Office in his Barbour jacket remains mysterious. Let us see.

It ain't cause he's a self-confessed Hitler enthusiast.
It ain't because he eats children for lunch (although not breakfast).
It ain't because he was caught standing over a corpse holding a blood–stained knife.

It's actually because his crippling battle with adult acne, psoriasis and rosacea was becoming distracting for all in the Oval Office, not to mention "the folks on the Hill."

He has been sent away for an undetermined amount of time to be with a round the clock dermatologist.

Steve has dropsy.
He has lumbago.
He has a club foot.
Steve is a hunchback.

Steve has "distemper".
He has mange.
He has vigorous necrotic fasciitis.
He has chronic gingivitis.
Steve has adult pet dandruff.

His dandruff was causing allergies in the Oval Office. He was getting up people's noses and putting them out of joint. I mean that his "pet dander" was quite literally going up people's nostrils!!

He was considered too disgusting even for the Oval Office. Maybe Jared Kushner, that Adonis (nearly wrote "adenoid"), was sick of standing near him. He didn't want him leering at Invokana anymore.

That's the President's job!

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