"Kim Jong Un's Hair Conclusively Explained."

Nobody can explain Kim Jong Un's hairstyle, any more than they can explain the ethereal dust bunny atop Trump's "bonce". That is its explanation. Kim Jong Un's hair is a sardonic direct reference to Trump's hair –– a taunt. Why else would it exist? He permanently slicks back his hair to demonstrate his thick head of hair, evident without any transparency. Trump constructs his calendar, his whole life around avoiding having his hair mussed except in controlled, deeply partisan environments (vide the Jimmy Fallon TV appearance). Kim Jong Un shaves the sides, in a particularly erratic style, to prove that he needn't scrape material from the back and sides of his head over the top of his head (as Trump does and must).

Trump has hair at the sides and the back, like any baldheaded man, which he must artfully drag up and over his head and then seal in place using industrial-strength glues. 

Trump is like a disgraced samurai (NO HE ISN'T) who has had his topknot cut off (NO HE ISN'T) and so his hair hangs down like a humiliated Haight-Ashbury hippy who still haunts the old scene. In the bushido this is an offence to the personal honour that can only be resolved by ritual suicide. 

More accurately, Trump is like our old friend Dog the Bounty Hunter, who similarly uses day-glo paints to dye his hair and then utilizes a complex wattle-and-daub tapestry technique to keep his bald areas hidden from fake news organizations and Bob Mueller-guided "Deep State" government drones. 

How it must burn Trump up that Kim Jong Un has no need of hair at the side of his bead –– he positively shaves it off in a cavalier manner –– because he has the upper part of a human hairstyle on his head. Not even the bottom part –– he doesn't need that. It's like he had his barber cut off the lower part of the hairstyle because it was redundant. After all, Kim Jong Un (editors –– should I refer to him as "Un"?) only lives to tease Trump, it's the only fun he gets out of life. 

Heck gosh it's the only fun any of us can have at the moment. 

"Stormy Versus the State."

On Wolfe Blitzer's CNN show lately he's been asking everybody he can about Stormy Daniels. He starts to stammer, his palms become clammy, he coughs and groans inwardly in tormented horror and delight grotesquely combined, as he leads the subject –– any subject –– around to Stormy Daniels.

One moment he is asking the worthy senator from Rhode Island about the steel tariff or about the Mueller investigation and then he will spontaneously all but abandon the subject, brush it aside as though it were so much lint, fluff, nasal discharge and say instead "What about St– St–– Stttt–– Stormy Daniels the porn star Stormy Daniels?"

Jack Reed (the Rhode Island senator in question) was flustered too –– he actually said that there was a "stormy path" ahead for President Combover, and he didn't even cover himself by adding, "PUN INTENDED!"

Wolfe was too busy wiping his forehead with a handkerchief to say "NO PUN INTENDED SENATOR!"

Poor old Laura Coates was drafted in to talk about the legalese of the matter when Wolfe plainly just likes to hear Stormy's name said aloud, particularly by women.

He plainly delights in talking of her, but he always brings her up awfully politely, like a nervous professor at a cathouse, fiddling with his bowtie and with a bunch of daffodils in his hand. "Is–– is–– is–– is the porn star Stormy Daniels receiving visitors?"

DUDES GOT A SCHOOLGIRL CRUSH AAAAAAAH HAAAAAAA>HA LULZ.

"Hope Hicks Jokes."

Has anybody made this joke yet? I've been out of the "Foggy Bottom loop" because I'm working as a temp in a laboratory and I haven't been able to watch CNN twenty-six hours a day like usual.

"Trump's lost Hope."

"Trump is now more Hopeless than ever.'

"Fucking Hopeless."

There is further fun to be had from this woman's name that sounds like a classic character from a comic book (Lois and Lucy Lane, Lana Lang, Wally West, Peter Parker &c. &c.).

"Trump Loses Hicks."

"Hicks No Longer Supporting Trump."

"Trump Abandoned by Those Knuckle-Dragging Hayseeds and Mouth-Breather Hillbillies Who Voted Him Into Power."

Lastly, my wife said last night, "Define a white lie anyway."

I cracked back: "Lies by white people."