Devin Nunes is the worst.
The WURST.
I'm like Arya Stark with her list of people she doesn't much like. Right at the top of my long list are Stephen Miller, Mike Pence and Devin Nunes.
Journalists are collectively, and quite obviously, trying to get Stephen Miller fired by saying that he is manipulating Trump. They're trying to get Trump angry at him by saying that he's trying to steal the limelight from Trump. But Trump is perverse and he might work out what they're doing and he'll like Stephen Miller even more, because everybody hates Stephen Miller just like everybody hates Trump. Well it is said that "my enemy's enemy is my friend."
Trump likes people who people hate.
Trump hates people who people like.
I was so incensed by Devin Nunes skidding about DC, his latest frantic clowning around Foggy Bottom, that I started trying to draw pictures of his face with a pencil and some post-it notes that were close to hand.
There is a particularly funny picture of him online, the first one that comes up when you Google him indeed, where he is trying (I believe) to smile, but the concept is alien to him and instead he is obviously seething with fury. His lips are a membrane stretched tight across clenched teeth. I used that as a model.
I drew some pictures of his face and then –– unconnected –– I took two chunky Kit Kats out of a biscuit tin. I thought, "I'm going to put them in the fridge."
They were in the biscuit tin, but I needed a knife to cut them into small pieces, and it would be more convenient to put them like I said in the fridge.
I am on a diet so given how many calories there are in a chunky Kit Kat I thought, "I'll be good, I'll only have a third at a time," so I have been cutting them up into three bite-sized treats.
You are probably wondering what this has to do with Devin Nunes.
Well I'll tell you.
I had the Kit Kats and the post-it notes with pencil drawings of Devin Nunes on them both in front of me on the coffee table, and I thought, "What if I could wrap those post-its around the two Kit Kats, I wonder whether they would stay in place. You could have a Devin Nunes Kit Kat."
I did it and you can and I do.
STEVE BANNON UPDATE
"Sloppy" Steve is finally out of the news. When people reach a certain level of suspiciousness and they go on "Bob" Mueller's Arya Stark-like list, they suddenly disappear from the public eye. You might be forgiven for thinking that they are perhaps inside a maximum-security undersea prison complex like "The Vault" in Marvel Comics, there for their own safety to keep them from black-ops wetworks assassins in the hire of UBERCOMBER DON. Or are they all hiding out with Kevin Spacey, Harvey Weinstein and Louis CK at an Arizona "clinic"? Where for example is "Joseph Mifsud," the enigmatic absent-minded Maltese Professor straight from the pages of Graham Greene?, or that oleaginous toady Rob Goldstone? Where is "Strzok" and his "lover" (––D.J. Trump) Lisa Page? Where oh where in this hour of need is Christopher Steele with his eighties footballer hairstyle? As Boyd Rice would say, "Come back, come back!"
Rob Goldstone is, on inquiry, apparently in Thailand, "writing a book."
Yes Mr. Goldstone I'm sure you went to Thailand to "write a book"! Their famously colorful liberality when it comes to sexual mores just happens to be a coincidence!
About Steve, I was reading the Wolff book and perhaps the most shocking thing of all that I read in it was Bannon's age.
I said to my wife, "How old do you think Steve Bannon is? Go on, have a guess."
"I don't know," she said crisply, tired of my little mind games.
(Another time, I showed her a drawing of a New York street scene that looked like a rather amateurish version of a Saul Steinberg sketch, with little yellow cabs and crappy skyscrapers in a naive outsider hand.
I said, "Whaddaya think of that? Nice, right?"
She said, "Yes, did you do it?"
I was elated that I had caught her so well in my awful sinister trap.
"No I didn't do it," I said. "You see DONALD TRUMP DREW IT. YOU JUST ADMIRED A DRAWING BY TRUMP."
She was sorely miffed.)
Anyway, I said "how old do you think Steve Bannon is?"
She said "55".
I said, "No, he's 63."
63!
Even so even I can't quite believe what I said then:
"63. He looks great for his age."
No comments:
Post a Comment