"Kim Jong Un's Hair Conclusively Explained."

Nobody can explain Kim Jong Un's hairstyle, any more than they can explain the ethereal dust bunny atop Trump's "bonce". That is its explanation. Kim Jong Un's hair is a sardonic direct reference to Trump's hair –– a taunt. Why else would it exist? He permanently slicks back his hair to demonstrate his thick head of hair, evident without any transparency. Trump constructs his calendar, his whole life around avoiding having his hair mussed except in controlled, deeply partisan environments (vide the Jimmy Fallon TV appearance). Kim Jong Un shaves the sides, in a particularly erratic style, to prove that he needn't scrape material from the back and sides of his head over the top of his head (as Trump does and must).

Trump has hair at the sides and the back, like any baldheaded man, which he must artfully drag up and over his head and then seal in place using industrial-strength glues. 

Trump is like a disgraced samurai (NO HE ISN'T) who has had his topknot cut off (NO HE ISN'T) and so his hair hangs down like a humiliated Haight-Ashbury hippy who still haunts the old scene. In the bushido this is an offence to the personal honour that can only be resolved by ritual suicide. 

More accurately, Trump is like our old friend Dog the Bounty Hunter, who similarly uses day-glo paints to dye his hair and then utilizes a complex wattle-and-daub tapestry technique to keep his bald areas hidden from fake news organizations and Bob Mueller-guided "Deep State" government drones. 

How it must burn Trump up that Kim Jong Un has no need of hair at the side of his bead –– he positively shaves it off in a cavalier manner –– because he has the upper part of a human hairstyle on his head. Not even the bottom part –– he doesn't need that. It's like he had his barber cut off the lower part of the hairstyle because it was redundant. After all, Kim Jong Un (editors –– should I refer to him as "Un"?) only lives to tease Trump, it's the only fun he gets out of life. 

Heck gosh it's the only fun any of us can have at the moment.