"The President Opposes Killing Babies." Or, "Shocking Gas."

                                       

The Fake (Bad Sick) President didn't seem to have been following the news for the last, what, four years, because the use of forbidden chemical agents in Syria was apparently shocking transformative revelatory news to him. (You might even say it was his personal road to Damascus! Ahaha ha. My jokes are wasted on you, all right.) Maybe he was too busy fuming over Alec Baldwin's impersonation of him on SNL –– or Schwarzenneger's viewing figures –– or chastising the cast of Hamilton. Maybe he spent the last four years appraising Kim Kardashian's rump. Maybe he was consumed with the national existential question, "What does Bret Michaels hide beneath that scarf on his head? It ain't hair!"  

In true Krump style he managed to fudge the gravity of the moment, focusing with awful bathos on the gas with his trademark hyperbole. As though chemical weapons weren't horrific of themselves  until Trump had rephrased them in his signature style –– a "bad (sick) gas!" It wasn't enough that it was a nerve agent, this one "is so lethal people were shocked to hear what gas it was."

Are there certain nerve gases that the President was blasé about and he thought were entirely okay to use on babies, children and the women?

You wonder if somebody –– possibly Invokana, who speaks with that wonderful soft reasonable voice about how she is complicit –– and probably not Melanoma –– gently took Overcomber Don to one side and said, "Killing babies is wrong, Mr. President. You need to be seen visibly affirming this factoid."

The President, we must confess, was in a muddle.

"It's wrong to kill women, children and babies? Why? They make no money for the polis ––  they only consume it. Babies don't pay rent."

"Waal that's what they're saying. It is what it is. That's what are research seems to suggest."

"I hate to be pressured into this."

"Polls show it's overwhelmingly the opinion."

"I don't like doing what people want. I like to do the opposite. It's my canny signature style."

 "It's a self-truth held self-evident. Killing babies is wrong. It's a thing."

"Gah! Durn. Okay."

* * * * * * * *

While I was writing this my cereal got soggy.

Fuckin' Trump!